i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
