Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
