Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
