i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
