I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize