I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
