You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
