If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
