i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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