No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
