Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
