I wanna bring you to show and tell
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
