I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
