summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
