Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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