Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she looked like the before picture.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
