Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
