why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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