I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i think my cat just said my name.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
