I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
