Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
