wakey wakey hands off snakey
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
