I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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