We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
