hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
