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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?

  (845): View more from New York

  Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....

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• (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

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• (254): View more from Texas

  In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  At least he has family values.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You can’t judge a dick by its balls.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister

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