I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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