She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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