I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The Olympian is in my bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
