hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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