Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
did i just pee glitter
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