I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
