shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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