Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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