My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
