R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
