So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
