We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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