I must be too annoying 4 u.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
