You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
