i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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