I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
