The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
