Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
