I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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