I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
