someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize