Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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