mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize