so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
