Can i not drive my cunt home
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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