Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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