I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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