He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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