dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
