I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
