She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
