bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
