my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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