I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
