im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
