Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
