watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize