remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
