u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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