Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
