woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
