he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize