About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
