Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
