we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
