Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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