I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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