Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
