Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
