Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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