i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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