They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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