these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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