I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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