Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
