I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
