and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
