Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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