is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
