If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
