Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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