just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
