i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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