i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
