How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
