There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize