You're so nebulous sometimes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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