I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
