im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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