yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize