Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
