fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
