I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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