Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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