Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
