I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
