I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
