my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
