i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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