I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
