WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize