i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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