What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
