no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
