Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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