how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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